9 Tools of Civility – (Source: Speak Your Peace)
Pay Attention: Be aware and attend to the world and the people around you
- Be informed about what is occurring in our community
- Focus on the issue — on what the person is saying
- Consider the whole picture; issues are connected
- Open your mind to new perspectives; strive for objectivity
Listen: Focus on others in order to better understand their points of view
- Seek to understand; here what is said
- Ask effective questions
- Respect the person and his/her view through your words and body language
- Give thoughtful attention; avoid distractions such as: your emotion, multi-tasking or formulating a response instead of listening
Be Inclusive: Welcome all groups of citizens working for the greater good of the community
- Know the community system in order to be inclusive (social, economic, environmental, technical, etc.)
- Intentionally and sincerely invite diverse perspectives
- Seek participation; take responsibility; include yourself!
- Use common language; avoid jargon
Don’t Gossip: And don’t accept when others choose to do so
- Go to the source for the facts; validate the information
- Communicate with respect and a positive intent; own what you say; be accountable
- Model integrity and mutual respect; set a good example for others
- Honor those who are not present
Show Respect: Honor other people and their opinions, especially in the midst of a disagreement
- Value the person; appreciate his/her contributions, experiences, passion, culture, norms and values
- Use questions to clarify
- Value ideas that are brought to the table
- Demonstrate positive body language
Seek Common Ground: Look for opportunities to agree; don’t contradict just to do so
- Rise above emotions; focus on the issues
- Build relationships; make a connection
- Work toward mutual trust
Repair Damaged Relationships: Be sincere; apologize and forgive
- Take responsibility for your actions and words
- Accept an apology
- Practice forgiveness; let go of the past
Use Constructive Language: Be mindful of the words you choose
- Address conflict with the intent of resolution
- When disagreeing, stick to the issues and don’t make a personal attack
- Learn from others’ perspectives and feedback
Take Responsibility: Practice accountability in language and actions
- Take ownership; use “I” statements
- Don’t shift responsibility and blame onto others
- Be trustworthy
- Tell the truth
Source: Speak Your Peace. Owned by the community. Supported by Community Foundation of Greater Southwood County. Copyright 2008.